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The Onion presents: Wine Appreciation Tips

When dining with friends at a restaurant, order the second-least expensive wine on the list. If on a date, order the fourth-least expensive.

Passport to the Pub: A British Guide to Pub Etiquette

One of the saddest sights of the British summer (or the funniest, depending on your sense of humour) is the group of thirsty tourists sitting at a table in a pub, patiently waiting for someone to come and take their order. In most cases, a friendly native will put them out of their misery by explaining rule number one, or they will figure it out for themselves, but in a busy pub it can be some time before the correct procedure becomes clear.

To the natives, round-buying is sacred. Not ?buying your round? is more than just a breach of pub etiquette: it is heresy.